If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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