worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
