I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
