I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
and she was petting her beer can
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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