That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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