I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
