i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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