Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
