The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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