I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
