So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
