K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
well I can't set my house on fire every night
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
