i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
