Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
