Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
