Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
