there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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