I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Blood and glitter go together right?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
you are never too drunk for berry picking
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
