Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
