enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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