nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
