saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He uses pillows to masturbate.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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