saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
