I got chris browned last night
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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