You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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