Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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