your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
