it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
