My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize