one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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