Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
