I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
