Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
