I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
