Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
