I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
