Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
