While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize