Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
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