Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
