I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
People in love make me want to vomit
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
