i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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