roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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