I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
