So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i've created a new STD.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
