i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
