that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
