woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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