Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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