she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
