At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
