What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
