I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
