you traded sex for a burrito?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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