i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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