im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
