I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
