Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
