I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
