So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
