Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
