Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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