He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
