Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
