i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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