Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize