Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
