he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
